Beauty, in the eyes of

The last few days at my office have been spent taking headshots for the entire staff to be posted on our new & improved website.  I am the resident photographer – or at least, the person with the nicest camera – on staff and so it was my job to corral everyone into the courtyard to get their shot taken.  I was somewhat surprised at how nervous some people were when standing in front of the lens.  I haven’t really done a one on one photo shoot yet and I guess I underestimated how scary it is to be on the opposite site of the camera. 

I did what I do in any nervous or awkward situation – I made them laugh.  I teased them or mocked the situation at hand, making light of having a camera pointed at them for twenty minutes straight.  I assured them I would take countless shots in order for them to have choices as to which they liked best.   After a while, everyone loosened up and sure enough, when I opened all the shots on my computer for processing – the very last shots of the session were the best. 

Of course, when I showed everyone their shots, specifically the women, they all made faces and tried picking the one that made them cringe the least.  I took this in stride, knowing that it wasn’t that the shots were bad or poorly taken, just their inner voice pointing out every flawed feature on the screen. 

The truth is, we are our own worst critic – seeing the spots, the lines, the slight pudge, the blemishes – brighter and more pronounced than anyone else ever does.  We tug at our clothing to make sure it sits just right and fuss with our hair to make sure its not too flat or too frizzy.  We stare in the mirror and decide whether or not a particular pair of pants accentuates our thighs (which we think are too big) or clinges to our hips (which we think are just terrible). 

One girl pointed out the small wrinkes on the side of her eyes.  I did some touch ups on some of her skin but was afraid to air brush it all and have it not look like her.  Another thought her hair was too flat and her face was too wide.  I stared in astonishment at the screen at these criticisms – they photographed beautifully, I thought.  Their eyes gleamed in the sunlight and their smiles flashed wide across their faces.  As I opened the pictures one by one, I was actually surprised at how photogenic everyone seemed to be. 

And yet, what I see is not what they see.  Where I see beauty, they see flaws.  Of course, if it were my picture being edited on screen, my own inner critic would rise to the occasion, seeking out every imperfection and holding my eyes wide open to see it.  As I sat at my desk and showed the pictures to each person, I wanted so badly to give them my eyes, just for a moment, so they could see what they looked like without the flare of self-doubt blocking their view. 

And as I thought that – I found myself wishing that some day, I will have the ability to look at my own portraits the way I look at theirs.  With a sense of true beauty captured in every line, spot, and freckle.  Beauty not just in spite of the flaws – but deep, deep within them.