Only to you.

There is no one in the world like you.  There are forces at work, outside of you and outside of me that prevent us from being completely aligned in the same life.  But the fact remains.  For me, there is no one in the world like you.

No one who knows me, the insides, the outsides, the veins and the blood and the heart in between.  There isn’t a soul who has seen me, the way you see me – naked, exposed, open, undone.  No one else who has caught my tears and carried my burdens when they became too much for my own shoulders.

For now, we have separate lives.  It is strange and painful and sad for both of us – we see the other, living a life void of the bond we have built for the past 3 years and knowing that right now, there is nothing we can do to change it – our hearts break a little.

I understand when you feel slighted by someone in my life who may fill a certain spot you once held.  I feel the same.  I am jealous of the ones who see you day in and day out, the way I once did, but all at the same time – not in the same way at all.   Do they know who they get to spend their time with every day?  This incredible, beautiful, fucking amazing woman they get to see every day of their lives – do they see you?  The way I do?

Sometimes I think I forget to tell you things.  Things like – when I am by myself, alone in a room with nothing but my thoughts, its almost impossible to keep you out of my head.  And when I am in with others, in crowded rooms with noise and company, it is exactly the same.

It is a culmination of everything I lack and all that I want – and it all boils down to you.  Love, sex, family, home, intimacy, life.  You exist in all of them for me.

I know I don’t always tell you this.

I know I am difficult sometimes.

But.

I love you.  So much, so so much.