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After what can only be described as a very tough month, I have resigned myself to stop punishing myself for the mistakes I made and to stop dwelling on how far off the path I feel I’ve gotten.  There’s no use lamenting, it’s done and gone and jesus guilt is so self-defeating.  I decided not to wait any longer – after a few days of stuffing my face with Thanksgiving-type foods and washing down with wine, beer, wine, wine and more beer, I’ve jumped back fully on the get my ass moving on a daily basis bandwagon.

It’s such a small thing, really, but even just an hour a day of exercise makes me a better person.  I feel happier, more energetic and less like curling into the fetal position while choking back the bucket of tears that have been gracefully pouring themselves from my eyes the past 4 weeks.

This morning, thanks to the help of a friend who has also had a very tough month (due in part to many similar things and some not so similar) I woke up early and did an hour and a half of Pilates.  I’ve never really felt all that enthused about Pilates but  I have to say, it was a good work-out, did help me to get regain some of that balance that had simply fallen out of my life and helped to kick start my week.  My kickboxing instructor, who has been calling me on a weekly basis to find out where the hell I’ve been the past month (he still has my money, it’s almost like he cares or something…)  will hopefully be glad to see me stroll through the door tomorrow night and once again remember why punching and kicking the shit out of a nylon bag for 55 minutes is one of the best things I could ever do for myself.

I also plan on doing yoga on my off nights and ending with some meditation.   I know I can do it and I know it makes me feel so much better than parking myself on the couch and watching mindless TV until my eyes feel too heavy to keep open.

Being in a dark spot can be such a vicious circle – you need to get up and move to feel better but you feel so lousy, getting up and moving is the last thing you want to do.  So you don’t move and you don’t feel better.  And again, and again.

I’m thankful for always, somehow, at some point, being able to break the circle.